As many as 20% of teens have 'sexted', according to new study

Phot credit : http://www.deseretnews.com/images/

As many as one in five teenagers has sent an explicit photo of himself or herself to others. And twice that many report they've received such photos, according to a new study lead by University of Utah researchers. Of those teens, a significant number don't recognize the potential for serious emotional and even legal consequences.

But even many of those who know there are potential consequences say they still "sext."

Most studies on sexting ask about sharing explicit or provocative photos. The new study considered only sharing of explicit photos, said lead researcher Donald S. Strassberg, professor of psychology. "Provocative doesn't get kids into legal trouble. Nude pictures can. We asked about sending sexually explicit photos to other teens or to adults."

The research has just been published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.

The researchers surveyed more than 600 students at a private high school in the Southwest. Students answered questionnaires anonymously with parental permission. When the researchers followed up by comparing the findings against a survey of 1,200 college students about their own previous high school sexting practices, they found very similar results, lending credence to the numbers, he said. "We think it is generalizable" to the broader high school-age population.

About 18 percent of the students, both girls and boys, some as young as 14, said they had sent images of themselves that were explicit, using cell phones. Asked how many received them, about 30 percent of the teenage girls had, while half the boys said they'd received such images. The difference between the number sending and the number receiving is probably because of "forwards," Strassberg said.

When the researchers asked the students, all freshman to senior age, what they thought the possible legal consequences of sexting were, many left it blank. "Our best guess is that most don't really appreciate what the legal consequences could be," he said. But almost a third said they continued to sext despite believing there could be serious legal ramifications.

"It's like texting while driving," said Strassberg. "Most don't recognize the seriousness. But if they do, they somehow don't think it will happen to them. They feel special in some way. But there are serious legal consequences and most don't know it."

Actual charges that have been filed in sexting cases: In some jurisdictions, kids sending sexually explicit pictures of a minor could be charged with trafficking in child pornography, even if sending a picture of himself or herself. And having such a photo on a phone or computer — something many of the surveyed youths didn't recognize — could lead to criminal charges, too. "It's not my fault if someone sends it to me" was a common attitude that failed to recognize that reality, Strassberg said. Some, though not all, jurisdictions level a charge of possessing child pornography, he noted.

There have been cases where youths who were sexting faced the possibility of being listed on a sex-offender registry, as well.

Adults face prison time for having such images. 

The most dire potential consequences are not legal, but psychosocial. At least two American adolescent girls killed themselves after their boyfriends forwarded the photos they provided of themselves once the pairs split up. 

Experts say such images frequently, perhaps even usually, outlast the romances that sparked them.

The researchers said that parents need to step up and have the conversations with their kids that will fully inform them about the dangers. And schools should address it as well.

"To pretend this is a rare event — that hardly anybody is sending or getting these pictures — is not true," Strassberg warned.

Because of the importance of the topic, the journal is making the full study available to anyone who wants it at no charge for 30 days.

Other researchers listed on the paper are Ryan K. McKinnon and M.A. Sustaita, also of the University of Utah, and Jordan Rullo of the University of Minnesota Medical School.

Source : http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765583658/As-many-as-20-of-teens-have-sexted.html

20 Pillow Talk Questions for You and Your Child

Photo credit : http://www.shop-pillowtalk.com/

Here are 20 Pillow Talk Questions from iMOM to help you jump start your relationship with your child

1. What do you like to dream about?
2. What is your best memory this school year?
3. Who is your hero? Why?
4. How would you describe your family?
5. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?
6. What are you most proud of yourself for?
7. Who is the kindest person you know? Why?
8. What do you like most about your best friend?
9. What is one thing you would like to learn to do well?
10. If you were an animal what one would you be and why?
11. When is the last time someome hurt your feelings? How did you react?
12. Do you know someone who is going though a hard time? How can you help them?
13. What is the scariest thing that happened this year?
14. If you could keep only one thing, out of everything you have, what would it be?
15. Who do you think is really successful? Why?
16. What’s the best thing about your teacher this year?
17. When do you feel misunderstood by grown-ups?
18. What three words best describe you?
19. What’s something that makes you angry?
20. What’s the best compliment you ever received

Source :   http://www.imom.com/espresso-minute/20-pillow-talk-questions-for-you-and-your-child/

“Don’t Talk To Strangers”

According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, nearly 800,000 children are reported missing each year, which equates to about 2,000 per day.

Most caring mothers have warned their young children against talking to strangers. In these changing times when children become independent at an early age the mothers hope to instill some good sense ground rules.

But many strangers our children see are actually good people, people they’ll need help from if they’re in danger. ‘Safe strangers’ are easy to recognize: police, fire fighters, teachers, principals, store managers, postal workers and other mothers or fathers with children.

For parents the very best online resource is Familywatchdog, a free child predator/sex offender map where you can enter your home address and receive instant information about potential predators in your area, including photos and addresses.

But children need to know how to care for themselves when mom and dad aren’t there.
Begin educating your children at an early age. They should learn that an adult offering to buy them a snack or ice cream, asking them to keep a secret, asking them for help finding a lost pet or other item, asking them to disobey their parents in any way, or offering them a ride, among other things, is not a friendly stranger. Help them to be able to find a responsible adult they can turn to for help.
Talk to your kids about the danger. Help them understand. Some parents rely on the subtle use of stories such as ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ to open a discussion about talking to strangers. Other good sources parents can use to enhance the discussion are “The Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers”, “The Safe Side” DVD and PollyKlaas.org.

All children should memorize their parents’ phone numbers and their own home address — this information should be shared strictly by the child with a responsible adult when the child is lost. Know where your children are at all times.

Allow your children to have frequent play dates. There is safety in numbers.
So, yes, the best advice is still to teach kids not to speak with someone they don’t know, and if all else fails, tell them to run to safety and scream.

But there’s a fine line between making them aware and scaring the daylights out of them.
In retrospect, fear of strangers made it difficult for me to make friends or develop trust in most adults. I was a withdrawn little girl who was frightened of my own teachers. I was fearful about raising my hand when I knew the correct answer. I was paralyzed and needed help expressing myself.
By the time I got to high school, I had grown out of my shell. My life was filled with social interaction. I played field hockey, belonged to fishing club, horseback riding club, Spanish club, took piano lessons and ice skated. I also attended religious education. How could I not talk to strangers?
Talking to strangers became a magical experience. It boosted my self-esteem and made me feel more confident.

Our Senior Day celebration was a special boat ride up the Hudson River. A few teachers accompanied and chaperoned us. I approached my favorite teacher, Mr. Ridout, and began a conversation.

Somehow we got on the subject of our dreams for the future. Reflecting on the past, I mentioned to him that I had somehow always counted on the kindness of strangers. He smiled and said something that has stuck with me since, “Irene, you’re so right. We entrust our lives to strangers every single day. We entrust them to airline pilots, bus drivers, chefs, police, firemen, you name it.”
Children are our hopes, dreams, our treasures, our future. Make sure you accompany them to school each day. Be on time when you pick them up from appointements, school, enrichment classes, religious education or sports events. Take good care of them, nurture and love them always. Above all, practice forgiveness when they try your patience. Give them your unconditional love and you’ll receive hugs and kisses in return.


Source : http://familynews.com/dont-talk-to-strangers/

TV Can Decrease a Child’s Self-Esteem

A new study suggests exposure to today’s electronic media often reduces a child’s self-worth.
Indiana University researchers say this is the case if you are a white girl, a black girl or a black boy.
However, researchers believe the media exposure can help the self-confidence of white boys.

Nicole Martins, an assistant professor of telecommunications in the IU College of Arts and Sciences, and Kristen Harrison, professor of communication studies at the University of Michigan, also found that black children in their study spent, on average, an extra 10 hours a week watching television.

“We can’t deny the fact that media has an influence when they’re spending most of their time — when they’re not in school — with the television,” Martins said.
Harrison added, “Children who are not doing other things besides watching television cannot help but compare themselves to what they see on the screen.”

Their paper has been published in Communication Research.
In the study, the researchers surveyed a group of about 400 black and white preadolescent students in communities in the Midwest over a yearlong period.

Researchers focused on the correlation between the time in front of the TV and the impact on a child’s self-esteem.
“Regardless of what show you’re watching, if you’re a white male, things in life are pretty good for you,” Martins said of characters on TV.

“You tend to be in positions of power, you have prestigious occupations, high education, glamorous houses, a beautiful wife, with very little portrayals of how hard you worked to get there.

“If you are a girl or a woman, what you see is that women on television are not given a variety of roles,” she added.

“The roles that they see are pretty simplistic; they’re almost always one-dimensional and focused on the success they have because of how they look, not what they do or what they think or how they got there.

“This sexualization of women presumably leads to this negative impact on girls.”
Sadly, black boys are often criminalized in many programs, shown as hoodlums and buffoons, and without much variety in the kinds of roles they occupy.

“Young black boys are getting the opposite message: that there is not lots of good things that you can aspire to,” Martins said. “If we think about those kinds of messages, that’s what’s responsible for the impact.

“If we think just about the sheer amount of time they’re spending, and not the messages, these kids are spending so much time with the media that they’re not given a chance to explore other things they’re good at, that could boost their self-esteem.”

Martins said their study counters claims by producers that programs have been progressive in their depictions of under-represented populations. An earlier study co-authored by her and Harrison suggests that video games “are the worst offenders when it comes to representation of ethnicity and gender.”

Research on use of digital technology is starting to show the impacts of other kinds of entertainment sources, such as video games and hand-held devices. It indicates that young people are becoming creative at “media multitasking.”

“Even though these new technologies are becoming more available, kids still spend more time with TV than anything else,” Martins said.

Interestingly, the young people were asked about their consumption of print media, but the results were not statistically significant.

Source : http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/05/31/tv-can-decrease-a-childs-self-esteem/39496.html

Ideas for curing couch-potato syndrome

Is your child a couch potato? You know, the kid that always seems to be in front of a TV, game system, or computer, passing the hours of life killing bad guys, emailing, or watching others do the same?

It has probably crossed your mind that you would like to help them cut back on their ‘starch’ intake, but you’re not sure how to begin.

Here are five well ‘peeled’ ideas that may help you get started in improving the chances that your little ‘potato-head’ will still have a chance to become the President of the United States. These are not in any particular order but each may have a positive effect if implemented carefully.


No. 1. Set a good example of what it means to be active in life
Children who watch their parents vegetate in front of the TV or computer are more likely to assume that is proper behavior. GET UP OFF THE COUCH and start doing something. It doesn’t have to be grand or expensive. It just has to be active!
Start simple and include all the members of the family (or friends in similar circumstances). Most importantly, don’t make excuses for why you need to sit and watch television. Your excuses become their excuses and then you have no credibility.


No. 2. Create time limits
As a family, determine an appropriate number of hours each day or week that can be spent on TV, computer, game systems and other electronics. Be careful to make the time limits age appropriate. Young children may only need 20-30 minutes before they should quit but some activities for teens will require longer allowances because of complexity. Doctors recommend a maximum of two hours per day for most children.

The key to time limits is firmness. Often it is easier to let the kids play a little longer because it keeps them entertained and out of your hair. But it also makes it more difficult when future time limits are imposed (but Mom, you let me last time!!).


No. 3. Provide other outlets for individual interests
Here is where things get a little more difficult for Mom and Dad. It’s one thing to cut down the time for being a ‘potato’ but if nothing is put in place of those activities, children become restless and rebellious. Good planning will eliminate much of the stress as the dynamic of the family changes.
Here are just a few ideas of things that can take the place of “potato time.”

• Check out the local public library on a regular basis
• Go on a nightly walk through the neighborhood
• Visit a park and play catch or Frisbee
• Experience window-shopping (you don’t have to buy anything)
• Biking, hiking or rollerblading do wonders for the heart
• Develop a new hobby that involves movement/action
• Take a tour of the Frito-Lay plant and see what happens if you don’t change

Set goals for how quickly the family can reduce the number of hours in front of technological devices. Look for ways to step outside the norm by coming up with activities that improve relationships and health.

Be wise in how new ideas are offered so that all are on board with the changes you are seeking. If everyone has a stake (without potato) in the process, there will be greater success.


No. 4. Do not allow TV, Computer, or game systems in the bedroom
The effect of having these things in the bedroom is to legitimize them as an essential part of life. In addition to increasing the likelihood of creating more ‘tater-tots’, this also opens doors for other problems. Parents have less control over what children watch or play when they are not in an easily accessible and more heavily trafficked location.

Mom and dad need to be more conscious of what their little ‘spud’ is doing if they are to help reduce the dependence on electronics.


No. 5. Decide to spend quality time with the children in your home
Despite what they may say or what you may think they want, the majority of children want to spend time with mom and dad. Again, it will take some effort to find out what will work, but the rewards will be amazing. Watch the kids and ask them what they like to do. Look for the real clues to what they like:

What do they do with their friends?
Is there something similar you can do that will entice them to hang out with you?
Help them take up a new hobby that seems exciting.

Some have learned how to scuba dive, fly fish, or race model cars. Many hobbies will also help keep the hours on the couch to a minimum by encouraging them to make the items to use for that activity.
Most of all, exercise creativity and patience as you change the dynamics in your home. Don’t become extreme and do everything all at once. Make sure the kids know why the changes are happening and let them express feelings and ideas.

Don’t give up! The results will make their life and yours more enjoyable and productive and the fear of becoming french-fries or home-style chips will evaporate.


Source : http://familynews.com/ideas-for-curing-couch-potato-syndrome/

10 excellent things to do with your kids this summer

When school is out, most families have a list of things to get done. There are vacations, family reunions, home-improvement projects and maybe a garden. The "busyness" of family life doesn't seem to slow down during this break between school years.

At the end of the summer, some might look back and wish they had spent some more time just being with the kids and doing things together with them. Here are a few cheap and easy ideas to make time for the kids and keep them from spending too much time vegging out in front of an endless stream of reruns.

1. Read a book with your children The most effective thing a parent can do to make sure that children learn to read is to be seen reading in the home. The second most important thing is to read daily to your child. Even beyond the preschool or kindergarten years, it is important to continue reading aloud in order to further develop essential skills with more challenging reading material.
   When you read aloud you can read books at your child's listening level, which is higher than his or her reading level. Hearing more complex material and listening to the expression and enthusiasm in a parent's voice develops an interest in print and its possibilities. The local library is a free source of good books and some great children's reading hour activities. Most public libraries have a story hour for the preschoolers and a reading contest going on for the school aged kids during the summer.
   
2. Plant a plant in a flower pot or as part of a garden A plant is a practical, easy science lesson. The roots go down and the green part goes up every time. If the plant gets water and sunlight, it grows. If the plant gets bugs or knocked over, it dies.
   One of the best ways to get children interested in eating their vegetables is to get them to see where vegetables come from. Most families have a porch, balcony or sunny window to have at least one plant growing for the summer. At the end of the summer, prepare something tasty with all of the cherry tomatoes or zucchini the plant produced.
   
3. Go for a walk with the kids As a nation, our children are getting heavier at earlier ages. Most adults also have a difficult time making exercise a priority. Walking for 30 minutes, three times a week can produce health benefits. It requires no special equipment and no preparation.
   On the walk, there doesn't have to be any other goal that to just get outdoors. If great things cross your path, take advantage of them. If the preschooler wants to stop and look at the ants, that's another learning opportunity.
   
4. Make time for a PB&J picnic A peanut butter and jelly sandwich eaten on a blanket in the backyard is gourmet food for kids. Take time to look up at the sky and watch the clouds. Feed the crusts to the birds. Take a picture of the gooey faces to put on the refrigerator.
   It's noisy, messy and might involve some stains, but your kids will think it's amazing.
   
5. Take pictures of the fun Photographs are short, easy records of one’s life. People often wait for some monumental occasion to take pictures. A disposable camera in the baby bag or in the glove box of the car is handy for the everyday moments that touch hearts.
   This summer, take time to photograph the everyday moments. A scrapbook or journal is a great project for children in the third grade or beyond. It doesn't have to have elaborate clip art or be crafting masterpiece to tell the story of your children and their adventures. If it's recorded in their own words and with their own handwriting, so much the better.
   
6. Make cookies together A mix is fine, but for the really brave parent, make them from scratch. It's messy, and it's sometimes stressful, but making cookies is also an incredibly handy reading and science lesson.
   If cookies turn out right, it's because the directions were followed, the ingredients were measured correctly and the kids all worked together to produce something. Lots of interesting concepts are taught in a practical setting. The chocolate chips are just a bonus.
   
   
7. Go out and fly a kite A kite from the dollar store equals an hour or two of fun and learning. In order to get a kite to fly right, follow the simple directions, communicate with others and have a little patience.
   Kites generally require working together with an adult or sibling to get up and flying well. The first attempt usually crashes and sometimes it requires starting over. Success comes to those who persist and that's an OK thing to learn.
   Remember to take a few pictures of the adventure.
   
8. Blow bubbles with the whole gang Bubbles are another dollar store find that are well worth it. Challenge them to blow bubbles that are bigger or smaller. Find out what it takes to blow a bubble inside of a bubble, and which child can blow the most bubbles and keep them floating at the same time.
   Bubble success will be better on overcast days. Humidity makes for nicer bubbles too. Stick to the shade if possible.
   
9. Create a masterpiece on the driveway The more opportunities that young children have to draw, write and create, the better they become at it. Large pieces of sidewalk chalk are easy for young hands to hold and control. They can write in really big letters on an easily washable surface. The driveway can become a garden covered in flowers or a rocket ship to the moon depending on the mood of the artist.
   
10. Play with the groceries There are so many things that young children do with boxes and cans. When given an opportunity, most of them will stack them and sort them. Parents can take advantage of this and encourage some early math skills at the same time.What cans hold vegetables? What cans hold fruit? Which cans are bigger, smaller or heavier?
    For the upper elementary-age kids, they should be learning about following directions, serving sizes and nutrition. Talk with them about why the big box of sugary cereal isn't the same as the oatmeal packets for breakfast. Talk about why people need fruits and veggies as well as cheese and peanut butter. They will hear this stuff at school, but during the summer, parents have the opportunity to make sure it has real-life application in the home as well.

During the summer break parents can really boost learning for their kids. Children can apply the lessons they have learned to real activities in the home. It doesn't take a lot of cash or a lot of time and study to have some valuable learning experiences at home. Spending time with the kids doing something together is the most important experience of all.


Source : http://www.ksl.com/?nid=968&sid=15466319&title=10-excellent-things-to-do-with-your-kids-this-summer

25 rules for mothers of sons (13 - 25)

This is the continue of 25 rules for mothers of sons (1 - 12) , this is the 13 up to 25

Learn how to throw a football

or how to use a hockey stick, or read music, or draw panda bears (or in my case alpacas), or the names of different train engines, or learn to speak Elvish, or recognize the difference between Gryffindor and Slytherin, or the lyrics to his favorite song. Be in his life, not as an observer but as an active participant.

 

Go outside with him

turn off the television, unplug the video games, put your cellphone on the charger, even put your camera away. Just go outside and follow him around. Watch his face, explore his world, and let him ask questions. It's like magic.

 

Let him lose

Losing sucks. Everybody isn't always a winner. Even if you want to say, "You're a winner because you tried," don't. He doesn't feel like a winner, he feels sad and disappointed. And that's a good thing, because sometimes life is difficult, no matter how hard (as moms) we try to make it the best it can be for our kids.

This practice will do him good later when he loses again (and again, and again, and again, and again...).

Instead make sure he understands that sometimes you win; sometimes you lose. But that doesn't mean you ever give up.

 

Give him opportunities to help others

There is a big difference in giving someone the opportunity to help and forcing someone to help. Giving the opportunity lights a flame in the heart, and once the help is done the flame shines brighter and asks for more opportunities.

Be an example of helping others in your own actions and the way your family helps each other and helps others together. 

 

Remind him that practice makes perfect

This doesn't just apply to performance-based activities (like sports and music) but also applies to everything in life.

You become a better writer by writing. You become a better listener by listening. You become better speaker by speaking. Show your son this when he is just young enough to understand (that means from birth, folks — they are making sense of the world as soon as they arrive), practice trick-or-treating at your own front door before the real thing. Practice how you will walk through airport security before a trip. Practice how you order your own food from the fast food cashier. Practice, practice, practice.

 

Answer him when he asks, "Why?"

Answer him, or search for the answer together. Show him the places to look for the answers (like his dad, or grandparents, or his aunts/uncles, or his books, or valid Internet searches). Pose the question to him so he can begin thinking about answers himself.

Someday, when he needs to ask questions he's too embarrassed to ask you, he'll know where to go to find the right answers.

 

Always carry Band-Aids and wipes on you

especially the wipes.

 

Let his dad teach him how to do things

... without interrupting about how to do it the "right way."

If you let his dad show and teach and discover with your son while he is growing up, some day down the road (after a short period of your son believing his dad knows nothing), he will come to the realization that his dad knows everything.

You will always be his mother, but in his grown-up man heart and mind, his dad will know the answers. And this will be how, when your son is too busy with life to call and chat with his mom, you will stay connected to what is happening in his life. Because he will call his dad for answers, and his dad will secretly come and ask you.

 

 

Give him something to release his energy

drums, a pen, a punching bag, wide open space, water, a dog. Give him something to go crazy with — or he will use your stuff, and then you'll be sorry.

 

Build him forts

Forts have the ability to make everyday normal stuff into magic. Throw the couch cushions, a couple blankets, and some clothespins and you can transform your living room into the cave of wonders.

For the rest of his life, he'll be grateful to know that everyday normal stuff has the potential to be magical.

Take him to new places

Because it will make his brain and his heart open up wider, and the ideas and questions and memories will rush in.

 

Kiss him

Any mother of sons will tell you that little boys are so loving and sweet.

They can be harsh and wild and destructive during most of the day. But there are these moments when they are so kind and sensitive and tender. So much so that it can cause you to look around at the inward, reserved grown men in your life and think, "What happens in between that made you lose that?"

Let's try to stop the cycle by kissing them when they're loving and kissing them even more when they're wild. Kissing them when they're 2 months and kissing them when they're 16 years old.

You're the mom — you can go ahead and kiss him no matter how big he gets — and make sure he knows it.

P.S. - This one is just as important for dads, too.

 

 

Be home base

You are home to him. When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back.

When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile.

When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you 20 times in a row because you're the only one who will listen that many times.

When he plays his sport, he will search for your face in the stands.

When he is sick, he will call you.

When he really messes up, he will call you.

When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you — because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious.

Even when he grows up and has a new woman in his life and gets a new home, you are still his mother: home base, the ever constant, like the sun. Know that in your heart, and everything else will fall into place.

 

 

Source : http://www.deseretnews.com/top/696/0/25-rules-for-mothers-of-sons.html

 

25 rules for mothers of sons (1 - 12)..continued

Inspired by a Pin I've recently seen about "Rules for Dads with Daughters," I went searching for a similar list for moms with sons. This search was mostly fruitless, so I was inspired to write my own "Rules for Moms with Sons." Granted, my list will not be conclusive and may not be entirely uncontroversial. So agree, or disagree, or take with a grain of salt — but I hope to inspire other moms who are loving, and struggling, and tired, and proud, and eager to support the boys in their lives. You are the most important woman in his life, his first teacher, and the one he will look to for permission for the rest of his life. From "Can I go play with them?" to "Should I ask her to marry me?" It's a big job, but as the mumma, we're up for it. This content originally appeared on Tabitha Studer's blog, Team Studer. Reprinted with permission from the author.

Teach him the words for how he feels.

Your son will scream out of frustration and hide out of embarrassment. He'll cry from fear and bite out of excitement. Let his body move by the emotion, but also explain to him what the emotion is and the appropriate response to that emotion for future reference.

Point out other people who are feeling the same thing and compare how they are showing that emotion.

Talk him through your emotions so that someday when he is grown, he will know the difference between angry and embarrassed; between disappointment and grief.

Be a cheerleader for his life

There is no doubt that you are the loudest person in the stands at his T-ball games. There is no doubt that he will tell you to "stop, mom" when you sing along to his garage band's lyrics. There is no doubt that he will get red-faced when you show his prom date his pictures from boy scouts. There is no doubt that he is not telling his prom date about your blog where you've been bragging about his life from his first time on the potty to the citizenship award he won in ninth grade.

He will tell you to stop. He will say he's embarrassed. But he will know that there is at least one person that is always rooting for him.

Teach him how to do laundry

..and load the dishwasher, and iron a shirt. He may not always choose to do it. He may not ever have to do it. But someday his wife will thank you.

Read to him and read with him

Emilie Buchwald said, "Children become readers on the laps of their parents."

Offer your son the opportunity to learn new things, believe in pretend places, and imagine bigger possibilities through books.

Let him see you reading — reading the paper, reading novels, reading magazine articles.

Help him understand that writing words down is a way to be present forever. Writers are the transcribers of history and memories. They keep a record of how we lived at that time; what we thought was interesting; how we spoke to each other; what was important. And readers help preserve and pass along those memories.

Encourage him to dance

Dance, rhythm, and music are cultural universals. No matter where you go, no matter who you meet, they have some form of the three.

It doesn't have to be good. Just encourage your son that when he feels it, it's perfectly fine to go ahead and bust a move. 

Make sure he has examples of good men who are powerful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity

The examples of men with big muscles and a uniform (like Batman and LaMarr Woodley) will surround your son from birth. But make sure he also knows about men who kick butt because of their brains (Albert Einstein), and their pen (Mark Twain), and their words (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.), and their determination (Team Hoyt), and their ideas (The Wright Brothers), and their integrity (Officer Frank Shankwitz), and fearlessness (Neil Armstrong), and their ability to keep their mouths closed when everyone else is screaming (Jackie Robinson).

Make sure he has examples of women who are beautiful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity

The examples of traditionally beautiful women (like Daphne Blake, Princess Jasmine, and Britney Spears) will surround your son from birth. But make sure he knows about women who are beautiful from the inside out because of their brains (Madame Marie Curie), and their pen (Harper Lee), and their words (Eleanor Roosevelt), and their determination (Anne Sullivan), and their ideas (Oprah Winfrey), and their integrity (Miep Gies), and fearlessness (Ameila Earhart), and their ability to open their mouths and take a stand when everyone else is silent (Aung San Suu Kyi).

Be an example of a beautiful woman with brains, determination, and integrity

You already are all of those things. If you ever fear that you are somehow incapable of doing anything, remember this: If you have done any of the following: a) grew life b) impossibly and inconceivably got it out of your body c) taken care of a newborn d) made a pain go away with a kiss e) taught someone to read f) taught a toddler to eat with a utensil g) cleaned up diarrhea without gagging h) loved a child enough to be willing to give your life for them (regardless if they are your own) or i) found a way to be strong when that child is suffering.

You are a superhero. Do not doubt yourself for one second. Seriously.

Teach him to have manners

because it's nice, and it will make the world a little better of a place.

Give him something to believe in

Because someday he will be afraid, or nervous, or heartbroken, or lost, or just need you, and you won't be able to be there. Give him something to turn to when it feels like he is alone, so that he knows that he will never be alone; never, never, never.

Teach him that there are times when you need to be gentle

like with babies, and flowers, and animals, and other people's feelings.

Let him ruin his clothes

Resolve to be cool about dirty and ruined clothes. You'll be fighting a losing battle if you get upset every time he ruins another piece of clothing.

Don't waste your energy being angry about something inevitable. Boys tend to learn by destroying, jumping, spilling, falling, and making impossible messes. Dirty, ruined clothes are just par for the course.

 Source : http://www.deseretnews.com/top/696/0/25-rules-for-mothers-of-sons.html

Tough Love On Social Media: ReShonda Tate Billingsley’s Old School Parenting in the New Millennium

I’m a good parent. Not a great parent. Not a perfect parent, but I do my best to train up my three children (ages 12, nine and five) so that they can become productive members of society. Doing that requires a desire to be their mama, not their friend, and the diligent, on-going effort to get all up in their business.
For all you new-age parents who say I’m violating my daughter’s privacy, you might want to stop reading now, because I’m really about to piss you off.  In my house, the only people that are due any privacy are me and my husband. I make it clear that when they get their own place and pay their own bills, then and only then will I respect their privacy.

Which is why I recently did what I do nightly–pulled up my oldest daughter’s Instagram account to check it. (In case you don’t know, Instagram is a social media picture-sharing website for teens and tweens). We talked extensively about proper etiquette in the cyber world. So imagine my surprise when I see my bright, intelligent child smiling as she held up a bottle of Vodka with the caption ‘Wish I could drink this Vodka.’ Before you do-righters chastise me for her having the liquor, she got it out of my husband’s bar to take the photo because she thought “it was cute.” She knew better but did it anyway and “didn’t see anything wrong” because she “wasn’t drinking, just posing.”

She had been warned against acting up on social media countless times but obviously,  it wasn’t getting through. So I took it to her level, implementing my motto of “Get tore out where you show out.”  I made her hold up a sign saying, “Since I want to take pics holding liquor, I am obviously NOT ready for social media and will be taking a hiatus until I learn what is and isn’t appropriate to post. Bye-Bye ”  I made her post  the picture to Instagram and I put it on my Facebook page as a warning to other parents to monitor their kids.

I never expected that photo or my choice of discipline to go viral. But with over 10,000 shares in just a few hours, that’s just what happened. I heard from parents that, to my surprise, had never looked at their child’s social media accounts, parents who were too afraid to publicly embarrass their kids, yet were at wit’s end on what to do with them, and parents who had never even heard of Instagram, yet found out their child had an account. Ninety-seven percent of the feedback was positive.  The other three percent  did everything from call me a ‘parental bully’ to tell me my child would ‘commit suicide’ to telling me I ‘sucked as a parent.’ Usually, that kind of stuff bothers me.

But not this time.

When it comes to my kids, I don’t play. This is a new age. We have to meet kids where they are.  Punish her by taking away her phone? Did that last week. Make her write an essay? She loves writing so that would be a thrill. Ban TV? She loves to read so that’s no big deal. Talking? Sure, but my talking obviously wasn’t sticking. So, since she showed out on line, she was punished on line. My daughter actually begged for a spanking instead, which she would’ve taken, gotten over in no time, and not realized the seriousness of her actions. Now, if and when she ever gets back on social media, she’ll think long and hard before posting anything crazy.

Some said the public humiliation would have long-term effects, that she would hate me forever for this. You have to know your child. I wouldn’t do this on my middle child because I don’t think she can emotionally handle it. But this one, she’ll be just fine. Yes, I got the ‘you’re ruining my life’ rant, but after a few hours, she was trying to figure out how she can start an organization at her school to raise awareness about social media responsibility.  In fact, she said her friends weren’t talking about her. They were talking about her “crazy mama.” Call me crazy. If it means steering my child on the right path, that’s a badge of honor I’ll proudly wear. And to all the naysayers, talk all you want. I’d rather you talk about me now than talk about my child later.

Source :  http://mybrownbaby.com/

Pennsylvania school districts boot unvaccinated children

I don’t remember getting the chicken pox when I was young.  I was only three years old.  What I do remember is that my dad got the chicken pox at the exact same time I did. I’ve seen the photos, and trust me when I say that you don’t want to see them.  It was bad.
But I never remember getting measles.  I didn’t even know what mumps were as a teenager.  Rubella?  I’m still not sure about that one.  I remember learning in history class that FDR rode a wheelchair as president because he had polio as a child.  I also remember my grade school teachers telling us we should all be grateful for not having to deal with such a debilitating disease, and to be honest, I’m glad I’ve never seen anyone my whole life confined to a wheelchair because of polio.
On the other hand, maybe if we did see a polio-ridden child being wheeled about every now and again, parents would be a bit more enthusiastic about getting their kids vaccinated.  Case in point: when several cases of measles in Utah were traced to unvaccinated european travelers, people paid attention.
In at least one part of the country, parents and students are apparently so apathetic about getting their kids vaccinated that the state has resorted to extreme measures.
Michael Rubinkam, writing for Philly.com, reports Pennsylvania has imposed an ultimatum: either get your kids vaccinated or they won’t be allowed in school.
The ultimatum was delivered with warnings aplenty.  Students and parents got eight months from the beginning of the school year to get vaccinated, but hundreds of students didn’t comply.  There was even a two week grace period at the end of the eight months, and although the vast majority of students took their medicine, still some wallowed in apathy towards the vaccinations.
This begs the question: why?  Why would parents fail to act in the interests of their children’s health (besides religious or medical concerns)?
Perhaps it’s because today’s parents are a lot like me; they’ve never seen the devastating effects of these diseases firsthand.  And with vaccines being as inexpensive and common as they are today, I hope that I never do have to see those effects manifest firsthand, especially in my own children.

Source : http://familynews.com/pennsylvania-school-districts-boot-unvaccinated-children/

Can your kids graduate from college without debt?

Just a few years ago, I sat in the University of Georgia football stadium as my son walked across the on-field stage to receive his college degree. As the ceremony ended with the traditional toss of the graduation caps into the air, my wife and I were also celebrating the fact that he was beginning his new life without any student loan debt.
But as head of an organization that helps people get out of debt and develop financial skills for life-long success, I could not help but wonder how many of those students were launching their careers anchored to debt. It turns out, quite a few of them were.

An estimated two-thirds of college students graduating in 2010 have student debt, reported The Student Debt Project in late 2011. And what they owe is increasing each year.

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An estimated two-thirds of college students graduating in 2010 have student debt, reported The Student Debt Project in late 2011. And what they owe is increasing each year.
The U.S. Department of Education’s National Center for Education Statistics released figures in October indicating that all college loan borrowing, including private loans, federal loans, and Parent PLUS loans, increased from 34 percent to 39 percent between 2003–04 and 2007–08, and that Federal Stafford Loan borrowing increased from 32 percent to 35 percent during this period. About that same time, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York indicated that student debt had surpassed not only total credit care balances, but also total car loan balances.
It gets worse.
The graduating class of 2010 left college campuses burdened by an average of more than $25,000 in debt, reported The Student Debt Project. That means more than 37,000,000 college alumni are trying to pay off almost $1 trillion dollars of debt in a very tight job market.
Ironically, the willingness to borrow becomes an incentive for schools to disregard cost-cutting measures. While the economy has sputtered along with 1 to 3 percent growth, over the last three years the cost of education at a four-year public college has gone up 25 percent.
What's taking place is an emotional blackmail of sorts, in which colleges raise their prices far out of line with market events, holding the hope of the American dream over the heads of increasingly desperate teenagers and their parents.
I recently received an e-mail solicitation from an ambitious high school senior asking for donations to sponsor her to the elite private school of her dreams.
She was accepted for her academic and leadership abilities but found that she would need $165,000 to get through the four years ahead before she could toss her cap into the air. These numbers look more like a mortgage to me.
Most disturbing is that the government recently has proposed a number of policy changes that will continue to fuel the bubble.
The Obama administration has advocated moving more and more of the underwriting for these debts to the public sector (i.e., the taxpayer), modifying the terms for repayment and easing the time before the loans can be forgiven and seeking to artificially curb interest rates on the loans. All of these will be helpful to the current borrowers but sends clear signals that borrowing is an acceptable practice for earning a college degree.
It’s time to discuss the better solution: earning a college degree without debt. Not only is it possible, it is a prudent decision that needs to be championed by parents, students and educators.
A good place to begin is by evaluating a student’s gifts and skills to direct them to a field of study that can become a future career. Learning is priceless, but the costs today warrant avoiding the unnecessary expense of a midstream change in majors or simply attending for four years to “get a degree in something.”
For some, postponing college in favor of work experience while making a plan and carefully choosing a field of study would be time well spent.
But for those ready to begin a college career, here are our recommended “12 Steps” to consider:

1. Know yourself. Rather than just take prep-course for the ACT and SAT tests, do some self-evaluation to choose the appropriate course of study. The organization I represent, Crown’s Career Direct, is a personal assessment that can help a student turn their passion into a career.
2. Treat high school as the place to work to earn the grades that will qualify students for scholarships and grants. It is the highest paying “job” for anyone age 14-18. For some, it could mean more than $100,000 of financial rewards.
3. Take as many AP classes as possible while still in high school. The college credits earned there save money later.
4. Take dual or joint enrollment classes while still in high school. These are taught either in your high school or on a college campus. They are graded and count toward your GPA.
5. Turn a teenager’s web browsing skills to good use looking for scholarships off the beaten path. Many big box stores like Wal-Mart and Target offer a large number of small general scholarships for local students, from $500 to $1,000. Every little bit helps.
6. Attend a community college for the first two years while living at home. This decision dramatically lowers the cost of a college education while still allowing the student to earn a diploma from the desired school.
7. Choose an affordable institution for an undergraduate degree, and save money for a master’s degree at the school of your choice.
8. “CLEP” out of some classes. The College Level Examination Program, or CLEP, allows you to test out of certain classes. Study guides are available to help you learn enough material to pass the test.
9. Participate in the U-Promise program.
10. Work part time while in school, during breaks and over the summer. A student should be able to work part time at least to provide spending money while in school. Studies prove that students who work perform better in their classes.
11. Consider the military. By joining a military reserve unit, significant funds can be earned. As active duty military, students can earn GI Bill money for education.
12. Leverage your athletic ability. Sports scholarships have long been a path to college for talented athletes. Turn that God-given talent into a degree than can last a lifetime.

In the end, choosing debt should be done with a calculator and a good understanding of the long -term implications.
In general, for parent or students, only 5 percent of after-tax, spendable income should go to debt repayment. When student debt (or any consumer debt) devours more than 8 percent of available income, financial stress will dramatically increase and may turn the dream degree into a nightmare.
No student should come home from college ignorant of the high cost of debt as a drain on life for years to come. For parents and students considering their options, understanding debt—and avoiding it—should be part of College Prep 101.
Chuck Bentley is CEO of Crown, a non-profit business and personal finance policy and educational organization, and author of “The S.A.L.T. Plan. How to Prepare for an Economic Crisis of Biblical Proportions” and “Root of Riches, What if everything you think about money is wrong?”

Source : http://www.foxnews.com/